I'm Back....

Sorry I have been MIA. I was out of town for the last week and a half. My hubby has to work in our hometown for a month, so I went with him for part of it. The kids and I came home a few days ago. While I was up there, I went through more things of my mom's and spent time with my dad.

It's still very hard to be in that house. It's the house I spent most of my childhood in and that my parents have lived in for about 23 years or so. There are so many memories there, and just the smell of the house reminds me so much of her. The chair she always sat in in the living room is covered with her things. My dad has all sorts of things there. I just expect her to walk out of her bedroom every time I'm there. I want her to be there so bad, and it's hard to accept that she will never be there. Something my dad and I decided to do was to skip having her ashes buried and my dad will just keep her with him. when he dies, i will then bury them both together in the same plot and I only have to go through one burial. It's kind of comforting having her ashes there at the house. we know it's not her, but it is a part of her, and that helps.

I dreamed about her while I was up there too. It was the first time since she died. I may sound crazy, but I have heard about people who have lost loved ones that had them come to them in a dream. I have been praying that that would happen for me, and it finally did. I know it was her coming to see me. she was all in white, like an angel. In my dream, I layed in bed with her and she held me and we talked. Then when it was time for her to go, she gave me a big hug and disappeared. The whole time she was with me, there was someone else there who was completely in white as well. I know it was Jesus. I couldn't see His face, but I know she is with Him, so it has to be Him. I know there are a lot of people who don't believe something like this is possible, but I do. It was so awesome to see her. She looked so good. I may never have an experience like that again, but I'm glad I had the one. I will never forget it.

So, I'm back home. Getting through day by day. I am still on the anti-depressants and they are working great. They get me through each day. I'm sure i will be on them for a while, but I don't want to be on them forever. I know it will be a while though, I have no doubt about that....and that's ok.

On a brighter note....the baby is absolutely a joy. She is the sweetest little girl ever. She smiles all the time and is on the verge of laughing. I can't wait to hear that for the first time. And get this...she sleeps in her own bed for 8 to 9 hours a night! My boys NEVER did that. They didn't sleep in their own bed until they were at least 2! They were always in and out of ours. She is awake for most of the day, but I totally can deal with that if she is going to sleep at night. I will take that any day. I will post some new pics of her soon. I have some great ones!

The boys are good. our 13 year old is back from Germany and had a great time. The 10 year old is going to start soccer again in the fall...and then there is our 4 year old. He is giving me a rough time right now. Very defiant and really testing the limits these days. I know we will get through it, it's just not much fun. Our oldest did this to me at the same age, so I know it will pass. We just have to survive it. ;o)

Well, that's all for now. I will post again soon!